I’m So Glad Julie Andrews Swears

Some of the best news the rest of us plebeians could have ever received has been leaking this fall as Julie Andrews makes the publicity rounds for her new book Home Work. Maybe you haven’t been paying attention so here it is: Julie Andrews swears. A lot.

I would hardly believe it either if I hadn’t heard it myself, but I can report that I have personally heard Julie Andrews swear in the flesh.

I heard her say damn and I heard her say ass.

Yes, yes, we’re all thinking the same thing: what a relief.

Not only does she swear, but she swears often. She swears so much that when her children were young they asked her if she could tone it down. Julie Andrews is fallible.

Oh Lord, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.

Forget that I’ll never have the illustrious career that Julie Andrews did, she trained me to be a princess and I fail her every day. Yes, I have a short temper when it comes to Uber drivers who can’t find me. Maybe I have slightly left of center kinky tendencies and do deplorable things I would never share on the internet. And definitely, I don’t cross my legs properly.

These things weigh on my heart. I’m not living up to any ideals here you guys and I really thought I would.

Yet just when I thought I had failed Julie completely, it turns out she’s just like the rest of us.

What’s even better is that not only does she swear, but she also has sex. I mean, of course she does, but, what? Julie Andrews does the nasty?

I really hadn’t thought of this until the interviewer at the Orpheum, where Julie was speaking about her book, asked directly.

“You’ve slept with Blake Edwards, I presume,” said the interviewer who, let me just add, had a terrible habit of talking over Julie Andrews.

“You bet your ass I did,” said Julie.

The edgiest things about Julie Andrews are that she swears and has slept with her husband. In an era of scandals, this is the best we can come up with about her.

And did that make me feel fantastic? Did I go home and let out a string of obscenities out of the sheer thankfulness that there is hope for me after all?

You bet your ass I did.

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