How Am I Supposed To Watch Sports?

While it’s incredibly exciting that the Oilers made the playoffs it has brought to the forefront a constant annoyance of modern life: how am I supposed to watch sports?

I don’t need to watch sports all the time. The two main moments I need to watch sports are: during the Olympics and if the Oilers make the playoffs. I would watch some sports in between those two tentpole events if only it were easier, but it is not.

Like most people my age, I don’t have cable. I’m not going to get cable. Ever. It will never happen.

The sports world has been very slow to adjust to this. Maybe they think there are enough men still around who are willing to pay for cable that they will always have a steady income stream. Men who like sports and people over 60 seem to be the only people who have real T.V. these days.

So for the rest of us — how do we get our sports?

During the Rio Olympics I had two options: flirt with the only guy I know who has cable, or get bunny ears (not those kind, geez) and try to get some channels over the air.

I went with both options.

Neither netted the results I wanted.

As far as the guy went — see my XoJane article for reference. As far as the bunny ears — for some reason they only worked with the screen door open, at a 45-degree angle, if the wind was blowing the right way. And even then I didn’t get NBC.

I’m still upset I didn’t get to watch the Rio Olympics, and what makes it worse is the rule that prevented anyone from GIF-ing the Olympics — in recent years GIFs have been a way I watch sports highlights on Twitter.

Now it’s the same debacle all over again with the Oilers. My home team has finally made the playoffs — the first time since 2006 when I drove a yellow Ford Explorer (sport trac) and was pretending I liked coffee to be cool.

Me driving my Ford Explorer wearing my super cool cowboy hat the last time the Oilers were in the playoffs.
My truck on a dirt road near my parent’s house. Now there’s a Superstore on that same road. Circa last time Oilers made the playoffs.
There’s a subdivision there now. Been a while.

I’m not going to repeat the same mistakes I made with Rio so I’ve been looking for other options. My sister has been helping me which is very kind of her and why she deserves a shout-out right now.

First we started looking for links where I could watch online for free. Obviously the easiest solution. It’s annoying that you CAN watch a game online IF you enter the password from your cable provider. I AM NEVER GOING TO BUY CABLE. EVER. What I want is a pay-per-view option. Or a Netflix-type scenario. So I quit every window that asked me for a cable password in rage.

Even though my sister is a genius at free online T.V., even she couldn’t find anything reliable. We discovered I could download the Rogers Game Center app on my phone and for $30 a month have access to the games. That seems like an outrageous price to pay. I’m sorry but it does. But beyond that I don’t have space on my phone. I have a 16 gb, what’s up!

The other thing I could do is go to a bar. You know, those physical places where other sports fans sometimes congregate? My sister scoured some forums to help me try to find Oilers fans in L.A. She said I’d be in good shape no matter who I found online because they’re Oilers fans so they must be good people.

I’m not sure I trust that logic.

But anyway, if you’re wondering, that’s the step we’re on now.

I found an online friend and we’re maybe meeting up for an Oilers game in West Hollywood on Tuesday.

At least now you’ll know where I went if I don’t make it back.

Wish me luck. But please, someone, tell the higher ups just to find a way to give us our sports online on demand.

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